Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
