Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I don't think brook has ever known best
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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