Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
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First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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