Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
