Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
