I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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