Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
