I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
