Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
