Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
