First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
