oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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