New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Pooping to opera.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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