if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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