She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
