it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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