I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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