how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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