Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
