Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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