I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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