after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
