We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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