Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
