She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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