i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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