dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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