he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im holly from the hills drunk
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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