Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Be still, my beating vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
