Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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