oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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