found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize