Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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