I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
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So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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