: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
