You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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