Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
