how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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