also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Oh god it's open bar.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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