Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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