just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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