We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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