I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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