You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
