I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
