Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
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I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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