I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
