I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
