I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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