I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
