You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
