I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
