I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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