Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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