After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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