I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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