Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize