he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
