I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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